if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
