even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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