And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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