Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
