those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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