Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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