who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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