hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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