Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
