We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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