My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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