hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
