My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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