I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
