omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
