I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
