Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
