you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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