why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
