Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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