I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
