If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
