why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
