Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
