guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i believe in u and ur pee
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
