i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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