it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
