man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
