u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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