we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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