White coat. Heels.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
