I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
