You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
