I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
