scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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