Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
