Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
