I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
