I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
