It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
