i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
