my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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