Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
