The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
