Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
