i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
