cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
