I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
