make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
