Your face is a jimmy john
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
