she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
