Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
