mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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