Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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