Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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