We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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