Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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(816): View more from Missouri

critical mistake not lubing the nipples

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(970): View more from Colorado

in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.

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(515): View more from Iowa

We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck

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(503): View more from Oregon

So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.

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(914): View more from New York

Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.

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(559): View more from California

Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.

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