people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
