we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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