You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
