He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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