No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
