just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
