I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Say something about gay babies.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
