I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
