Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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