I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
