It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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