It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize