hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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