so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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