Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
