You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
