Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
