brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
