Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
