I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
