I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
