hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize