Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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