Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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